The chronicles of an Unmatched Candidate

Journal - 05/04/2018

My worst nightmare came to fruition and the minutes after receiving the dreaded news of not matching were a whirlwind. I grappled with feelings of disbelief, inadequacy and utter failure. my computer almost melted from refreshing the Carms page.

I kept refreshing the page, hoping the words will somehow go away or that someone will email me to inform of the ridiculous error the system just made. But of course that didn’t happen. In that one moment I felt as if all that I had worked for and thought was just within my reach was suddenly pulled away from me into a distant future that I couldn’t access. A large part of my identity and sense of worth had become entangled with my career aspirations, Medicine can really be all consuming. It becomes woven into every aspect of your life.

I felt woefully unprepared for navigating the unmatched process. my own emotional and psychological devices were navigating through foreign land. And they were on this journey alone. I really had no one to turn to but myself, as IMGs we don’t have advisors, we don’t have a PGME office to resort to. I wondered who else is out there grappling with the same feelings and in need of support, but feeling embarrassed and reluctant to reach out to their physician friends. What other physicians are out there in limbo, struggling with shame while their colleagues post on social media about being accepted to their specialty of choice?

As an athlete, I have dealt with losses many times, but medicine revolves around a culture of perfectionism anaphylactic to failure. The silver lining is that this period of underemployment forced me to dig more deeply into other parts of myself. Weeks of self-reflection and introspection forced me to look at who I am when stripped of my identity as a physician, however briefly. I’m a daughter, a sister, a friend, a neighbor, a partner, or just myself: an awesome human being. It showed me how supportive my family and friends are. With that, a new wave of resilience inundated my thoughts. This was a chance to reclaim my identity and self-esteem. I realized that the human mind has an extraordinary capacity to overcome adversity and unleash untapped potential when we least expect it. I began to take action by focusing on where I can contribute most meaningfully. For me, this meant traveling to volunteer in various countries around Africa, and securing philanthropic contributions for food relief. I’m certainly not the only physician ironically stuck in this position.

There will be people like me every year who will secretly deal with the crushing rejection of not matching, combined with the intense stress of trying to massively readjust life plans so I will be creating a safe space for the unmatched, on this platform. I want to call the sessions; the “unmatched odyssey” a safe place to vent, network, console, and support one another, so stay tuned for that in the upcoming months. Please do bare with me because I am trying to find people who can help me with this process.

It can be difficult sharing these experiences with your colleagues, as an IMG it can be isolating and it is à lonely time. Having a platform where others are dealing with the same setbacks makes it easier. At the very least, it makes any discussion around the topic feel normal.

The objective of this initiative is to provide adequate support, information, and leadership opportunities. I'd like to also incorporate mentorship network opportunities involving previously unmatched residents who are willing to mentor and guide unmatched candidates. To provide career advice and financial planning advice because frankly this process can be financially draining, hopefully advocating with a range of stakeholders for coordinated system-wide action to create job opportunities for the massive growing pool of IMGs. I think its important to change the culture in medicine so that failure is normalized and that would make it easier for physicians to cope with these inevitable events in life.

The silver lining is that I'm thankful to medicine for the lifetime’s worth of character building it has served me.

‘‘'Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.'‘